A PEN IN THE RIGHT HAND OF A LEFT HANDED GENIUS

I WONT SAY IM BACK

2011-09-24T09:11:00.001+01:00

After some serious cleaning up the cobwebs and going back and forth about whether i actually what to do this I'm finally writing this, well it was a ' Heads-i-win-tails-you-lose' kinda thingy; how i could hold out till i started typing this post ( 13 hours 25 minutes).
So its been 17 months since my last post, *sigh* feels just like yesterday; actually it doesnt, it feels exactly that long: 17 months!! In fact as I'm writing this I'm not even sure I'll remember how to publish this.

Well today's my birthday *tiny drum roll* lol I'm nineteen today, its been a crazy life so far with a lot more promises for the future. Don't really know what i want to write or rather i want to write so much that if i do you'll definitely not finish reading this; that's if you're there at all 17 months is quite a while so i wont b surprised if there's no one to read this. well I'm not going to jinx myself like to rappers who after a long break say "I'm back" and then after maybe one or two hits evaporate forever. But im gon try to post after this and after that too. Ok i guess that's it, hope your life's been good (I'm still assuming you are there) peace.......x

formspring.me

2010-03-01T14:59:00.001+01:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/IsaiahVaris

20th and stranges

2010-02-27T22:26:00.000+01:00

This is my 20th post (sound of applause, whistling, more applause) oh thank you thank you,youre far too kind lal.
Sup peps hws y'all doin? Hope say you dey on your chilin lal. On facebook the other day Friends Exposed asked one o' ma friends 'What is the strangest thing Isaiah Varis has ever done?' and her reply was 'ah many things' lal well i have done some strange things in my little lifetime sha lal some funny,some disgusting,some weird,some just plain stupid and some a combo of 2 or more of d above. I can still recall a few like the time in js1 when i would by a roll of mentos for 25bucks and ill get to school and sell it for 5naira.......for one piece,and there were 14 pieces in a roll i really cant remember how it started or how my classmates where stupid enough to continue buying but i know it ended when one girl begged me to give her some sweet n i refused then she when to report me to our class teacher and my mentos dealing went bust lal but believe me when i say i made some fucking stupid money dat more than satisfied all my 10year old needs lmao.
Then was the time me,along with the like 20 or so other boys in class would wait behind after school every single day to quave Nike AT THE SAME TIME and she so did enjoy it,i dont think any school day went by when we dint quave her,twas a very horny 1 and half years o' my life and we where all s'posed to be innocent 12 year olds. I did feel a little sorry 4 her after junior waec cos then no one wanted to quave her again n she had hardly even entered puberty and her boods were already droopy God 4give me lal but i did see her sometime last year n she dint look so bad,i think her boobs musta recovered oer the years lal i still cant believe i was a part o' dat.
Then there was SS1 when errybody was so preoccupied with the fact that we were now seniors,we were wearing trousers no more shorts we could send juniors to kiosk we had more free time yayyy we were now bad guys most people forgot that senior school was a different ball game entirely 1st term exams came,with some maaaasive failures everywhere but me i passed very well sha and i was the kinda person hu dint look left or ryt during papers some peps now begged me 2 allow dem sit beside me and copy me during exams and they would pay me and you can be sure i accepted; i would just do my stuff and go submit when i was through whether they where able to finish dubbing or not cos of course i collected the cash before the paper. The funniest times where when after the exam started the invigilator would now reshuffle the class and i woulda already collected my cash lmao.
All through secondary school i was always doing funny stuff and playing pranks but there was this prank that was...just out of this world; twas after school one day in SS3,someone brought don simeon to school i dont drink so i just watched as they shared the drink. When it finished someone now placed it on the slab we were sitting in a way that made it look like there was still some in it,me i now carried it and peed in it. We all just laughed at the idea but it was so hot we dint actually believe anyone was gonna fall for it. I just dropped it somewhere by the side sha and continued gisting,then one guy now came
guy: aah abeg who get shacks make i take small
som1 among us: drop my shacks jo
guy:abeg abeg
som1 among us: take small o
guy: thanks mehn
and it all seemed to happen in slow motion,he picked it up and raised it above his head(of course he greedily wanted to take as big a gulp as possible;he probably woulda smelt it if he had tried to sip it),tilted it,poured it down his throat,swallowed and then smacked his lips yes smacked his lips i can never 4get dat part and then for like 3 freakishly eerie seconds errything was silent then he went"please tell me that was not piss". Then erryone bust into laughter,me i ran away o! Lmao i could beat the guy on a normal day but i wasnt about to find out wat someone who just drank your piss could do to you lal that has to by far be the worse ever lal
The other day one girl in school referred to me as 'dat guy with the hexagonal head' in my absence of course,twas quite funny sha,just that the joke was on me lal
mehn i cant believe ive been writing this for more than12 hours! Well not exactly sha twas 12 hours cummulative and like 2 and a half actual hours. Decided to blog with my phone and mehn i think ive grown biceps in my thumbs and number 7 on my keypad actually cracked lal if this post doesnt update il just kill myself lal nyhows sha hope yall have a chilin weekend and i meant dat literarily cos mehn this sun can like to stop tryin to make me blacker than i already am lal
chelsea lost woohoo!
Naruto and sasuke meet at last yata!
Now is the time for crossing my fingers,hope this actually updates
...............xoxo

What i want

2010-02-23T19:18:00.001+01:00

I wanna have game, yet i dont wanna play ball
I want no looking after yet i want someone to catch me when i fall
I want not to be able to hurt any yet i heed to power's call
I want the best for my friends, yet i wanna be the best of them all
I wish none had to pay for anything, yet i wish i owned a shopping mall
I want not to be 'that big guy' yet i dont want to be small
I want to be a great christian yet i want not to be like St. Paul
I wanna lie down forever yet i wanna remain standing tall
I love being in college yet i greatly detest the lecture hall
I wish no one was lord over another yet i wish i had someone at my beck and call
I wish to make this very long yet i dont want it to become dull...................
I want it all yet i dont want to want at all

*sigh* people its been a while, really miss this place and mehn.......well lemme just put it in iphyigbogurl's words

I am beginning to lose my bloggin mojo... :(

I want it back!!!!

school is a winsh!!!
lal but seriously school is soooooooooo 'i-dont-even-know-the-word-to-use' right now
*sigh* i cut my hair again and the funniest and most annoying part is that twas not even my mother who made me cut it,twas one stupid lab attendant that insisted i cut my hair or else i might as well forget about my practicals which is like 30% of my course G.P. mscheew i now still had to buy her a bottle of coke to submit my lab report; all these depressed adults that are just bent on frustrating people *sigh* newaiz 'she cant tie me down' lal
Valentine's day..................nothing nada zilch nothing at all happened
Mehn i dont remember ever being this broke in my life,.dont think i have ever anticipated the beginning a new month so much in my life lal money's such a good thing
Thank God for opera mini, stuffs done me a whole lot of good
okay folks thats all for now like someone i know would say hope say una dey on your chillin
peace..........xoxo
yeah i just discovered i most creative when im jobless hope that aint weird

When hell freezes over..................

2010-02-04T13:58:00.000+01:00

ROTFLMAO!!! saw this and thought ill'd share it with you guys

WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER!

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the professor
shared
it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying
it as
well...

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic(absorbs
heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law,
(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some
variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need
to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are
leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it
will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state
that
if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there
is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to
more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in
Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of
the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature
and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
as
souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all
Hell
breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase
of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa
Banyan
during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before
I
sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not
succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true,
and
thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

THE STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A" GIVEN.

Alright peps hope you guys is all balling good and having fun and hope you not as stressed as i am
*sigh* no one told me that second year was gonna be so fucking stressful
peace.............x

Funnyhoneymoney

2010-01-26T22:12:00.000+01:00

Who knows if jay-z could take a girl to the pub?
Don't matter now,he's married to the queen of hip-hop

Vida guerra,ass took her to the top,
Actually 'twas who the ass was on top

Before kingston was getting the dump,
Now he got cash and he make her 'face drop'

50 was no cash,nine bullets,almost a corpse,
Now he's all cash,mad rolex and humping Vivi Fox

Biggie was little when he first came in the game,
then he got fame and a lady with a little in her name

Ray-j couldnt get into the Playboy Mansion,
Now he gets to 'meet with the Kardashian'

Chris Brown was just an ordinary lad,
Got some money and there was a 'good girl gone bad'

A 'short blackk boy' dating a nice girl is incredible,
well....not if you are Mr. Incredible

Tuface was the one who used to chase the ladies'
but now they chasing him with promises of babies

Even though Micheal Jackson aint no more got a life,
there,s still many a lady who wanna be his wife

You from kenya? well go to hell,
they wouldnt say that if you were the husband of Michelle

A friend said...............mo' money mo' problems
buh money aint gonna be a problem

See its funny,
mo' money... mo' honey
mo' dough to blow...mo' hoes
and dats the way it goes

sigh

2010-01-19T09:20:00.001+01:00

                *sigh* i shouldnt be here, no really i shouldnt. Im supposed to be researching(hmm now thats such a good word to use,it makes me seem so serious) on the history of thermodynamics and im here but what the hell ive still got time so...........lal.
                 After seeing that i need to research blah blah you would think school has started in earnest and all but throughout this week i could count all the lectures i had on the palm of one hand, for someone as lazy as me to be complaining you should know how bad it is. *sigh* can you imagine that i forgot the national pledge? as in seriously for like two hours i was trying to remember to no avail and i finally had to ask a friend of mine who remembered the other half that i had forgotten and together we were able to piece it all up lal.
   *sigh* ive tried and tried and tried, and i think its time i admitted defeat;twitter just refuses to make any sense to me at all as in seriously you just seat down and write rubbish and reply rubbish upon rubbish.
   *sigh* haiti my heart really goes out to all those peps;just waking up one morning having no idea whats to befall you and then rumble rumble bang you are dead. Some didnt even have time to set themselves right with God,just thinking what if it was naija.........*sigh* Lord if in anyway ive knowingly or unknowingly sinned against please have mercy on me(AMEN).
             *sigh* from all my sighings you can deduce that im not really in my element but im sure itll pass newaiz i was on someone's blog the other day and the music player was annoying me and i was thinking if thats the same way mine does especially considering that my music taste aint what you call common lol so i think instead ill add a video to each o' my posts and its up to you to listen to the song or not ,not like the music player.
     this is In The Beginning by Knaan, love this song and it really makes sense

yeah for those of you abroad just thought to let ya know that its agbaolumo(is that the right spelling?) season right now in naija
ok i think i better get back to my 'research', dont wanna flunk first assignment of the year .........................xoxo

mscheew see me i forgot to name the post *sigh* i seem to be losing my 'naming a post' inspirations, see how boring my titles are becoming lal

#2009?! YEAH 2009

2010-01-10T15:52:00.000+01:00

*sigh* yes i know i know i should have done this an infinity ago but well one thing always led to another and i never quite got the chance but im still gonna do it all the same; a round up o' 2009 that is.

FRIENDS
Ok i went to the UNILAG secondary school, so entering uni i already had my friends around me cos most peps from sec ended up in UNILAG and that kinda made me a lil anti-social for like the first quarter of the year, but was able to discover this in time and rectified it. Made quite a number of friends sha, and a whole lot of acquaintances.

BEARDS
I grew like six,seven strands of beard in 2009. Its not really something im freaked about but i had this friend who had two strands and was totally freaked about them, he even gave them names!! So its was fun to tease him when i got more beards than him especially when ben(that was the name of the male beard, the other was called esmeralda) cut. Buh sometimes seeing those scraggly little things scattered round my chin was kinda annoying and i of course i couldnt cut them cos that woulda been like i was insulting nature;shaving before i even had a full beard who knows they just might never have grown again lal.

FOOD
Forget what youve heard and forget what youve seen in adverts; children are not the major consumers of noodles in nigeria, believe me its university students or at least UNILAG students. The amount of indomie i ate last year is more than the amount ive eaten in my entire life and im not exaggerating. Cos for me apart from being relatively cheap it was easy to prepare and its not always one would have the strength to cook proper food or the time either, and some people are just pests, they would never come to your room except when they smelt something was cooking then they would show their stupid smiling faces expeting of course to be fed. And also twas not always one could go to a restaurant to buy food.

PORN
*Sigh* although im ashamed to say it,just like indomie the amount of porn i watched last year is more than in my entire life. Almost everywhere in hostel there was porn; there was hardly any room that didnt have at least one phone or one PC that had porn on it and there's just how long your defenses can stand when there's so much trash and hormones are acting up so once in a while curiousity would kill the cat....................and the cat had nine lives.

GROWTH
Surprisingly, i was the only one of my friends who moved into hostel and gained weight, maybe its cos apart from indomie i actually used to cook(im quite a good cook, so long its nothing that has 'soup' at the end of its name) and so i always ate 3 complete meals a day. I also grew a lot in 2009, musta gone 3,4 inches from january to december. And when i told my friend i wanted to start gymming he was like "as big as you are, you want everybody to start fearing you abi?" Stupid me listened to him and lost like 3 months worth of exercising.

ACADEMICS
As lazy as i was in 2009, i still managed to get a 1st class G.P in my exams; there was this girl who was very very very extremely very serious. She was always in the front row in class, even in subjects that didnt contribute to our G.P. ,even in sujects where the lecturer had never come before she would be thee, first to finish assignments and sutff and she was always reading one big textbook or the other some o' which i didnt even know thier names and at the end o' the day we had the same G.P.,i kinda felt sorry for her.But this year no one's gotta tell me that goodluck and good brains alone aint gon' get me nowhere. Ive already got me timetable and a few materials and im going to buy me textbooks soon;at this time last year i was watching naruto and playing PSP.

LOVE
*sigh* love...................love was non-existenet in 2009, well not really let me explain: there was this girl that liked me, she still likes me up till now, i also liked this girl;only the 'this girl' that i liked was a different person from the 'this girl' that liked me. I knew i could never like the other 'this girl' so she wasnt really in the picture. So me and 'this girl' had been talking and getting along so i was at the stage were im thinking that i do like this girl and whether i actually wanted her to be my girlfriendor not whilst we was getting closer and just as i decided this was for real and i was gonna take a shot at it she one day tells me she has gotten admission in one school in jand and so she'll be leaving lag and that was the end of something i would never know if could have even started, i mean it would have been better if i had asked her and she declined but not that.

PRANKS
I gained quite the reputation for being a prankster; it just naturally happened that at any given point in time i was always doing some' mischievous. It was so mush that when i finally told 'this girl' that i had something for her when she was in lasgidi(i did still like her at the time) she thought i was joking or something imagine!

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm..................there's a few other things sha like my increased self awareness and my discovery of how important cash is and some others my fingers have started giving me the signs so i think im gonna stop here.
nuff love.........x

My new year resolution

2010-01-05T13:38:00.000+01:00

This is my new year resolution,
I’ll give my spiritual life more attention,
The word of God more devotion,
Reduce procrastination,
Doing things when they should without hesitation,
In my studies I aim for distinction,
All my laziness going to extinction,
Open my ears to correction,
And try to change every negation,
Speak truth in all I mention,
And for every wrongdoing make restitution,
Carry on with my black passion,
And get rid of that obsession,
Bring all I start to completion,
No party addiction,
But once in a while a little gyration,
Everyday some body exertion,
New skill acquisition,
And some others I forget to mention,
Positive manifestation,
In every area, every section,
Every moment a progression,
Inching closer to perfection,
And ultimate satisfaction.
Happy new year to y’all, may this year be the first of the best of your life so far……………….x

Boys and girls

2009-12-29T18:51:00.001+01:00

               Merry christmas to y'all; yeah i know its late and its not really heartfelt but courtesy demands it so merry christmas to y'all. My christmas was practically non-existent cos i spent it in camp. Now i think of it most of thr christmases of my life have been spent in camp,a handful in the village and even less at home so im not relly a christmas person.
            Okay so this christmas all my christmas texts and posts on facebook were either to or from gals,not one of my male friends sent any merry christmas and neither did i send to any guy. So i got to thinking why is it that somethings that girls do,somethings that are done to girls by girls and somethings that are done to girls by guys dont seem right when a boy does them or when done to a boy by another boy? For example, its alright for girls to get all mush mush,play with themselves,tap each others asses in public,sometimes even kiss themselves and take nude pics o' each other and there's no big deal bout it but put guys in those scenarios..............yeah i know what you thinking and yeah its exactly the same thing im thinking: guys getting all mush mush,tapping their asses,kissing themselves.......G-A-Y!! thats what it screams.Girls can do does things without necessarily being thought of as gay but if a guy does them he's gay,end of story.
       Also speaking of gay people its more acceptable to be a female homo and be gay than to be a male homo. I for one absolutely hate gay guys and i know most guys feel the same way too, but i know straight girls who dont really mind girls that are gay,some guys even fantasize bout having sex with lesbians. You see they even get to have a special name 'lesbians' while the guys just get to be plain gay.
      Girls show more love to girls than guys show to guys,girls show more love to guys than guys show to guys,guys show more love to girls than guys show to guys!! The way i see the world is more open-minded in some areas to girls than to guys. Im not complaining, cos i sure as hell am never gonna roll with a guy again if he one day walks up to me and tap my ass or tells me he loves me but then i just womder why its so.
      Then again i wonder,why are girls who supposedly sleep around looked down upon by society and not the other way round? i mean its not like they sleeping with themselves o,what bout the guys who sleep with them? Even in the bible a woman gets preggers and she's to be stoned to death and im wondering where the hell is the father of the child? Erryone's quick to condemn a new bride if on the night of her wedding her husband finds out she's not a virgin but no one can tell how many times the guy has had sex before,he mighta even done some serious stuffings the night before his wedding but who knows?Somethings are just the way they are,but still you wonder.
         Im outta here, enjoy the rest o' your 2009 and use it ta do some you aint done through out da year,someone said he planned to do all the bad things he couldnt do throughout the year this last week lol and yeah this is the first full decade of my life................xoxo

!$@!@h v@r!$
Lleft Han-ded Geenius
Mr.funnyhoneymoney

.....................................?

2009-12-19T15:57:00.000+01:00

              Phew,this has to be the hottest christmas ever!!! And to think that its around this time we supposed to be having harmattan. Its less than a week and im still not feeling any christmasy spirit at all.
             Im supposed to resume school on Monday(according to the calendar sha cos that is so not gonna happen) and i dont even have a pencil talk less of a pen lal but whatever they were thinking when they said we would be starting lectures on Monday ill never know cos im sure even the people who made the school calendar wont be around on that monday; no time table,some peps dont even know what courses they'll be offering this session and were supposed to start lectures on monday mscheew. The day unilag decides to do stuff properly and follow procedure PHCN would have given us uninterrupted power for a whole year straight lal. Speaking ofr phcn for the first time in a long while i woke up in the morning and there was light, i went out and when i came back in the night i still met the light, i woke up this morning and the light was still there! You would think i would be happy bout that but no,im scared cos when things like this happen when they finally take the light only God knows when next theyll bring it back,may be till next year who knows lal. Kai can you imagine im afraid because they've given me light for like two day mehn God bless nigeria, and please God save nigeria(can i get an AMEN?) but nigeria is doing quite well considering that for the past two years our president has been Umaru Musa Yar'adua..........i meant the name and not the person cos i seriously cant see anything that man has done in nigeria apart from go to the airport and catch a flight to saudi arabia so for a nation on auto pilot we are doing real fine.
             Enough of the politics already, i saw one woman the other day,this woman had more hair one her chest than ive had in my armpit,gross but no exaggeration; you would think thats the funny part but no the funny part is that she now partially shaved her eyebrows!! she looked so funny like she was playing with her husbands shaving stick and messed up her eyebrows but i mean you have hair on your chest and you are shaving your eyebrows? thats like cutting of your fingers when you leg is decaying lal twas some disgusting shit. And speaking of shit reminds me of the dude i saw on the bridge on my way home. He had his pant s down, his ass out and he was shitting into the canal but thats not the most interesting part,the interesting part was that as he was shitting he was also smoking a stick of cigarette. If it was possible to transfer the look on his face into lyrics it'll probably say something like ''this is the life homie,this is the life yeah'' and i wondered if he somehow fell off the bridge into the canal and drowned what would he tell God he was doing when he died.lal.
          My dad was like im getting addicted to food mscheew see this man o? so because im always the first to eat in the morning abi? i mean i wake up quite early and i already know what and where breakfast is why else should i not eat? its not like im taking more than i should or im getting fat o. My sister doesnt eat they complain;me im eating theyre complaining agian mscheew and even sef im 6 foot 2 inches and i weigh 75kg(yeah i dont just have a big head i have a big everything: big hands, i wear size 47 shoes,big mouth,long tongue,wide or rather broad shoulders and the lot) so i think i deserve to eat.
          Gotta go read some naruto,this week's chapter promises to be interesting. I think this may be my last post of 2009 of maybe 2nd to the last. Thanks to myne i didnt fashi my blog as i had earlier planned.
            Was looking and i began wondering whether ''can you believe the title o' ma blog?'' was actually a good title for my blog so i just might change it.............again.Or should i just leave it?

!$@!@h v@r!$
Lleft han-ded Geenius
Mr. funnyhoneymoney

My big head

2009-12-08T10:09:00.000+01:00

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY HAIR!!!!!!!! *SOB*SOB* this is one o the reasons why i dont like christmas *sigh* heya fellow bloggerians(yeah, i say fellow cos i think im now fully part o' this nation)how's yall doin?
        Had this weird dream the other day that i was getting aroused by hugs,and erryone kept on hugging me,sounds stupid but when i think of it its really a condition i wouldnt wanna find myself in real life. And speaking of weird i went to ma lil bro's school the other day and i felt so weird,the sight of all those small children just made me feel dizzy.......somewhere at the back of my head i can hear this tiny voice saying"for your mind now you be person wey don' comot from secondary school abi? as you dey talk sef dem no go even know say na jus' last year you comot mscheew nonsense" lol sorry lal; ive made up my mind that since i almost never laugh out loud when i write lol im going to start writing lal(laughing a little) instead.
      Ehen what did i want to talk about again? yes my hair lal,i love keeping afro, so i keep an afro(duh! ). I dont cut my hair until my mum forces me to; and once its christmas or easter time she,ll tell me to go and cut it,and then at least once in between easter and christmas something will sha happen and she''ll tell me to go and cut it,maybe ill do something dat'll piss her off or during the hols when im at home n not going anywhere and i dont comb it for like three days. This years own(i.e the between easter and xmas barbing) was funny ,i had just come back from school the week before so we went to church on sunday,after service my mum just called me and said "isaiah come,your hair is the longest in the church." ............................(big silence) i mean what do you respond to such a statement i just sat there and waited for her to finish talking and tell me to go cut it. And now christmas time;i mean its just the first wek of december and she has come again, kai! see how the sun is roasting my head,and see how everyone is just looking at my big head(my head is big o! aaaaaaaaaaaah myyyyyyyy heaaaaaaad iiiiiiiiis BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG!!!!) Lol sorry lal. The shitguy barber almost messed it up sef,he tried three different clippers before finally findind the one that was not vibrating like all those olden days nokia phones. Sha its all good,dont even look bad jes that i feel kinda odd without hair on my head.
    lal i put a girls pic as my profile pic on facebook you should come and see the funny messages and friend requests ive been receiving from guys i dont know from adam. *sigh* gotta go now my Dad has been pestering me lately always saying "if you do that again , i will discipline you" and in my mind im like hmmph its as if this man has forgotten that im now like 5 inches taller than he is. newaiz catchya later
jah bless
!$@!@h v@r!$
Lleft han-ded Geenius
Mr.Funnyhoneymoney

Making honey with no money

2009-12-05T12:44:00.000+01:00

The unofficial 'how-to-date-a-girl-with-50-bucks-guide'
First things first you have to ask her out and she agrees blah blah yada yada.

STAGE 1:

The day comes and of course you meet her at the restaurant cos you aint got money to transport ursrlf,talk less of both of you. Make it an evening date so you dont have to sweat after trekking.

STAGE 2:

Time to eat, Mr.waiter comes with the menu and she goes "i,ll take a plate of mushroom and marshmellows,couscous and chinese rice, lime and limonade and also-" "sorry waiter" you say "we'll just have a bowl of soup(which so conveniently happens to be 50 bucks),aaaaand two... spoons". she's like".......excuse me?" "relax honey,you see this what we gon do;i'll feed you and you'll feed me". then the stupid girl goes "uuuuuhh dat's soooooooo sweet".

STAGE 3:

Dinner's done,time to go home,she say's "do we call a cab or just wait for one?" that's when you go "cab? honey,we are walking". "excuse me?" you like "you see babe its such a wonderful evening with lots of stars in the sky, it would be nice to just stroll under that sky and just... you know". "oh, i see,didnt quite think of it that way".

STAGE 4:

The walk is won, you in front of her house:"so honey, how'd you enjoy the night?" you ask "cant even remember anything now,after you so called romas\ntis walk, my feet hurt like HELL!!" "are you serious? oh honey you should have said something earlier on i'm so sorry cmon let me help you up". then you lift her,carry her up,head to her bedroom and.......... well dont forget to turn off the lights. MISSION COMPLETE.

Note: there are 3 strict comditions to be met before you can pull this offf

1. first and foremost, YOU MUST BE DREAMING!!(as in sleep dreaming.)

2. the girl in your dream must have no resemblance whatsoever to eny living human ( cos i cant think of any real human who'll fall for that)

3. and lastly your fantasies must be strictly restricted to your dreams.

well thanks folks thats that for that you can now "go to sleep" cos dat girl is yours for the night.

The girl 3 doors down

2009-12-01T16:53:00.000+01:00

          That heading is not exactly it cos there's no doors in the estate i live in,just huge iron gates and barb wire fences. Erryone minds their beeswax 'xcept at the end o' the month when they call their estate meeting to colect all kinda stupid levies.
         There's almost no teenagers in my estate,there used to be none buh a few peps have moved in over the years.there's some boys that live a lil ways from me, we used ta play soccer together any time i was back home so me was back from school and we was playing ball and then this b-e-a-u-tiful gyal i'd never seen before walked by. I was so transfixed i just stood there watching her ,snot erry day you get to see a girl talk less of a beautiful one like that go by. I looked at me friends and they didnt seem to be on the same page as i was concerning her so i figured they probably knew her before and so i asked "who's that girl?" , "my sister" he answered. "...............YOUR SISTER?" ,"ehen,wetin happen?"(yeah dat reminds me i never quite caught the speaking-pidgin-english bug so i only speak it once in a while or when its just absolutely wrong to speak normal english you konw like when you are arguing football at a viewing centre or trying to price a pair of jeans at the market) and im like "how come ive never seen her before?" he vtells me she attended one boarding school like this in one place like that;i say okay and make a mental note to talk to her some other time.
       Later i meet her and i say "hello" and she almost jumps out of her skin,she turns to me with an expression that seems to question why on earth a human being she doesnt know would be saying hello to her and mutters something that im almost sure she herself didnt hear. the one-syllable-answer conversation follows.
      Later on im wondering why she would react like that like it was something out of the ordinary for a seventeen year old boy to try chatting up a girl his age and i figured she don' get much o' that in whatever boarding school it is she attended ;im sure ive never heard of it before then n i dont even remember what the name was supposed to be or where it was supposed to be located. Really woulda loved to.........you know kinda pull her outta her shell but she really turned out to be the 25-hours-a-day-indoors type.later find out from her bro' that they'll(they happen to be hausas or fulanis don' quite know which one) be sending her to zaria for her higher education and i try to picture her life: at her age,she looks like she don' know that a man and a woman do something other than sleeping on the same bed together for a woman to get pregnant and then she'll be going to zaria with all the sharia'ic shyt down there,come out of school and then get married off to one Alhaji who probably got his first wife before she was born(worst case scenario that is).
      If i could i would defo talk to her parents bout their daughter's life lol. Newaiz i thank the good lord that ma life 'snot like that and i hope to high heavens im wrong bout her,for her sake i hope im wrong bout her.

.................im gonna get the hang of twittter,whether facebook likes it or not im gonna get the hang of twitter

ka(r)ma.........sutra

2009-11-27T10:49:00.000+01:00

he turned to you,
and then he said:
"i do love you,
so get in my bed"
"i love you too,
buy i am scared"
"ill be gentle on you,
no need to dread"
they got to you,
all the other lies he said.

when you came to,
the sheets where red
"could this be true,
or just in my head?"
then it came to you,
why you had bled.
yes he f**ked you,
you even gave him head
"oh what would they do
if people heard?
oh baby boo,
i think we must wed."
the look he gave you
could have killed a little bird
"i dint force you,
to get in my bed"
"but 'i do love you'
thats what you said"
he had dumped you
you were still trying to comprehend
so you thought it due,
you lives to end.
poison for two,
and bullets of lead.
at gunpoint of course he drank with you........................
a shot to the head...................

roses are blue,
violets are red.
that is untrue,
but you realy are dead

if you wondering why the title is so outta place i jes' decided to pull a coldplay and put a title that had almost no relation to what i wrote. Gotta go read naruto

Zibitt, zip-up and driving

2009-11-24T10:31:00.000+01:00

..........watch me confuse the dance now.lemme see a man go head,shoulders,knees and toes,head,shoulders,knees and toes................. sigh dont mind me,was listening to The Beat after one week without my radio! Jheez never in my life would i have imagined that ill be addicted to radio of all things;until The Beat 99.9 came along n now i cant even remember what i used to do before i got addicted to radio (if you not feeling way im feeling its either you r fifty years old,you don't live in lagos,you dont have a phone that has radio, or there's some really wrong wit ya......................personal opinion o' the matter that is.
         Newaiz started driving lessons yesterday and you know that feeling when you been looking forward to something and it finally comes n you don' feel it half as...............nnnnnnnnnn(couldnt think of any expression to use there) as you thought it'ld be? Yep dats what i got ,twas so............. just there like "yeah im driving ehn? so now what?" just bland,just there. Just hope that having sex whenever thats gon' come in my life wouldnt turn out like that,just one o' those things you get to do in your short lifetime like........."come over here sonny you ever had sex before? no? well you make sure you f**k somebody before you die ok? good now run along get me a soda." Ok ok ok im getting a lil bit carried away lol maybe its cos my dad called me to give me a lecture on girls and how to make sure they don' get in your pants,which was just wierd,not the lecture in itself which is wierd but i already gotten used to that its the fact that it was completely out o' the blues;he usually lectures me on the morning when i leave home for school you know he'll call me and give me my allowance and then go on and on and on,ill just tune off till twas time for me to say "thanks dad bye bye"
      Ok i gotta go now it seems my wrist have gotten better cos im not even feelin any aches after all that typing;and yeah if you dont read naruto manga i gotta tell ya you really missing something.
     Its time for the Beatdown on zibitt as i like to call it...............hey, where's my phone?

What am i gonna call this?

2009-11-22T21:37:00.000+01:00

Wow……….its been so long I almost didn’t remember the name o’ my blog again lol. Dunno why but something always seems to prevent me from blogging and then when I finally get the chance I woulda lost all me inspiration,maybe its cos ma internet time doesnt coincide wif ma 'nobody around' time n im still getting the hang of writing down before blogging,but am at home now so should be able to blog more often.

Special thanks to myne whitman or someone like that cos me was thinking i should start all over agian but i think imma continue with this blog'

Strangest thing happened today i went to a site(uglypeople.com) i knew from way back when which we used to visit for a couple o laughs but seems it has been turned into a site for meeting people who wanna have sex. Since my dad was just a few feet away from me i didnt wait to confirm my suspicions so if you jobless or something you coulda check it out for me lol.

Gotta go now i think amma change the name o ma blog too skinnylegz looks good i was kinda jealous lol........ciao

The Good Old Days

2009-10-09T17:53:00.000+01:00

Have you noticed how people always talk 'bout the good old days? No matter how things were,they are the good old days, no matter how things are they will be the good old days in future.
What makes the present which seems so hard:rising price of things,crime,diseases,wars and people dying everywhere become the G.O.D of the future: when things were still cheap,no crime,good health,peaceful lands and long life? Why does the past always seem better? Was the past really better ? Where things actually better than now? was it as good as its always portrayed?
Maybe it was,or maybe ti wasnt or maybe it was but not as good as it was said to be or maybe it was,and was actually dat good. One thing is certain,if you try to reminisce:the pleasures come back,all the good memories but that which is painful the mind stays away from. Good memories come easily,but the bad ones remain buried unless deliberately dug up,so its the laughter we remember.
And if we had the chance to do it all again,relive the past(G.O.D and B.O.D alike) would we? could we? would we then remember the bad days as well or will it still be the 'good old days'? Answers on that one may differ but one thing for sure is this:the old days.............will always be the good old days
(sigh thank God i was able to finish some o' ma stupid friends were disturbing me, and my hand is not even aching lol)

Random real-life realities

2009-10-06T18:48:00.000+01:00

................sigh,

.........................a

rgh,

...................................yaaaawn!
Dont think i need 2 tell you how jobless im feeling ryt 'bout now. Wrote this(yep me 2 ive joined them or joined him rather,me too ive started writting)a while ago but decided not to post it cos i wasnt feeling it when i proof-read(dat happens when you read something fantastic by someone else dat makes you feel youve written rubbish......or when youve actuali written rubbish) but i decided to just post it all the same.
This comprises of some random cheeky,stupid,smart,not-so-true and oh-so-true sayings ive heard or said before.

* Dont take life too seriously,you are never gonna get out alive.
* Sad cos you dont know what you want to do with the rest of your life? There's really nothing to be sad about cos so many great people who are even way older than you dont know what they are going to do with the rest of their lives. If you doubt that next time you see your grandfather ask him what he plans to do with the rest of his life, i can bet he'll be just as blank as you.
* Prices will always go up,crime will always rise,children will always be disrepectful and when you grow up,you'll tell your children bout how cheap things were,how there was no crime and how children still used to respect their elders
* Read.....it will make you 'less' of an illiterate
* Write....it will make you 'more' of a literate
* Dont go looking for trouble,you'll never find it but it sure as hell is gonna find you,most likely when youve stopped searching
* Love,sex,death: the three most overrated things in life
* Love: a very handy replacement for the word 'fuck' in the vocabulary of a 21st century 'male' homosapien
* If you are not sure if a girl likes you........she sure as hell doesnt
* Girls are like buses,if one leaves 15 minutes later another arrives
* Guys are like the bus passengers,they fight and struggle to get on the bus then spend the rest of the ride regretting the discomfort and the expensive fare,(they sometimes even get thrown off the bus)when they coulda just waited for the next bus.
* You may smoke,drive drunk,do drugs or whatever other dangerous thing you can think of.......but whatever you do never:fight with a military man,sleep with a nigerian prostitute or steal tomatoes in mushin....................there are cooler ways to die
* He who runs away..............runs to live another day
* keep your enemies close,but keep your friends closer
* Dont ask questions when you know you can get a bad answer,just assume the answer is the bad one:it will make you feel better if you eventually find out the right answer is the correct one
* If a girl turns down advances from a nice guy she's virtous, but if a guy turns down advances from a nice girl..........he's gay
* If a girl behaves like a guy,she's just a tomboy;but if a guy behaves like a girl................he's gay
* If a girl wears guys clothes.........errr nothing;but if a guy wears girls clothes..........youre right he's gay
* If a girl has sex with girls she's gay and she's a lesbian:but if a guy has sex with guys...........he's gay,just plain gay no special name for him
* Girls if you are about to be raped and you are wearing a skirt,dont panic. All you have to do is pull up your skirt,obviously at this point the guy thinks you dont mind being raped so he pulls down his trousers,and then you run like...........YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE RAPED(duh) obviously a girl with her skirt up can run faster than a guy with his trousers down
* If you are alone and you still feel lonely,then you are in the wrong company(ive been trying to make sense out of that for a while now but i just cant
* If you are still reading this then you obviously are as bored as i was when writng it.
* Finally, i really love this one cause well i just love it and yes it was entirely from my head(not everything in this not is from my head): The ultimate bringer of death.......is life itself

ok dats that and i think i wanna start writing some.............'stuff' sha some 'different' stuff newaiz.........x

Birthday Wishes

2009-09-30T13:32:00.000+01:00

Hello blogsville whats has it been,5? 6weeks? sigh ive been caught with so much(including facebook) dat i didnt really have time to blog but i think ill be able to find some more time.

I wanted to post something else but twas my birthday recently,not really eventful as i had hoped but after i ran across this story,i decided i would rather have an uneventful birthday than have the kind of 'eventful' birthday this man had.Here's his story:

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday” and would probably have a present for me.

She didn't even say “Good Morning” let alone any “Happy Birthday” I thought well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children will remember?

The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said “Good morning boss, Happy Birthday” So I felt a little better; someone had remembered.

I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and said “You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me” I said By George, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go.

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, you know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we? I said, No, I guess not. She said, let’s go to my apartment. After arriving at her apartment she said, “Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.”

Sure, I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends.

All were singing “Happy Birthday” and there on the couch I sat... naked.

And that is why I fired my secretary.

coming soon.......random real life realities

TO FACEBOOK..........OR TO FACE YOUR BOOK?

2009-08-14T13:00:00.000+01:00

There was a time when the average youth went to the internet to check mail,chat and then probably go watch tv......................or if there was someone to scold him read his books...........not anymore.
Some years ago,this little thing got going on the internet called-facebook. Several years on and its not just aliittle thing on the internet;its the 'only' thing,everything else is anti-matter..........well not quite as i put it but you get the drift. If you want to hook up with a friend...facebook;if you want to meet new people...facebook;if you've got something to advertise or something you want the world to see...facebook;if you a star(or you just think you are)and you want to connect with your fans...facebook again,what the hell if you wanna become the first black president of america................you are right;facebook.
There was a time when computer literacy was measured by how well you could use your computer and stuff(i wanted to write shit there but i think stuff would be better) like dat but now a days its by how active you are on facebook. But what exactly has this 'computer literacy' done to those who are still learning and well becoming more literate?
The average facebook user is betwenn 16-23 and guess what?........yay dats the age you'll most likely find a person in school where he's(girls im not sexist or anything just dat he is one letter shorter than she)supposed to be 'face'ing his 'book'. Most peps spend at least an hour a day(dats in the worse of conditions:angry parents,bullying elders,bad internet server and what have you)on facebook and two hours......a week reading their books(dat is in the best of conditions:nothing else to do).Expact obviously when there is a test or exam just round the corner.
But when you look at it does facebooking really stop you from facing your book or is it just the tought that instead of reading you could be on facebook or even one of a thou sand other things? People have different reasons for not facing their books or not facing it as much as they should but i can bet you that the first two reasons carry more than a little percentage of the reason for most 'computer literate' people.
Nonetheless you gots to agree that the world is a whole lot of a better place with facebook;cant begin to imagine what ma parents and their friends where doing with the then newly invented internet.
I f you haven't been swept away by this (r)evolution and still face your book more than you face book..........well ive got to give it to you ,you are....well a principled(or under-priviledged for some folks)person. Keep it up; but i know that even if it were possible, i wouldnt wanna be you.
Whew i think ill stop there cos my fingers ache and ive still got to update ma facebook status cos afterall.....im 'computer literate'

what can i say

2009-08-12T22:31:00.000+01:00

Well Well Well.....................
There comes in a young man's life a point in time when facebook offers no more challenges and you just gat to find something to do with the internet than write lol,lmao n send friend request to any striking and sexy looking gal he sees. SO he decides to.....blog. He knows he has to blog but doesnt know wat to blog about but also knows he has to blog about dat something dat he knows dat he doesnt know that he knows dat he just has to blog about(sigh..........deep breath,did that make sense ? think it did so lets go on).
So hear i am,blogging and can believe ive written a whole paragraph without knowing wat to write guess dat means i got something to say even if i dont know what i got to say but i know that i know dat ive got something to say dat i will say even if i know dat i know dat i dont know wat i know dat i know i have to say(hm... now i am not sure dat really made sense lol). OMG i said lol again....and i said omg,not supposed to be using any facebook-like slangs. Well old habits die hard......................... i think ive tried for a first i mean i try small now lol(der i go again)
Anyways as a wise i know(who coincidentally happens to be me)would say:with despiration comes inspiration lol(oh shit i did it again). Well.dats dat for now,my fingers even ache cos is been a while i actualli sat down to type something dis long(all facebooks fault by the way). think ill just go make my special pancakes(nufn rili special just the addition of sardines but you should try it ...really nice)
So bye bye reader oh im not even sure you der lol(oh noooooooo not again!!)